Does talking dirty to your partner feel like a chore, or something that makes you freeze up right away? Don’t freeze up and feel nervous. There’s no reason to be awkward and uncomfortable about dirty talk! It is completely normal, but something that you can overcome.
A lot of people have this fear, and confidence within yourself will help you overcome it easily. Dirty talk is a sexual skill, and feeling comfortable with it takes confidence. So how can you build that confidence?
It is important to remember that your partner is already in a relationship with you, which means they are obviously attracted to you and interested in having sex with you. You don’t have to fret that your dirty talk is cheesy, or that it will turn them off or ruin the moment. In fact, dirty talk will probably make them even more interested in you! Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing – just like farting during sex, everyone goofs up, and you can laugh it off and move on!
Remember, being enthusiastic and faking confidence until you actually have it will make it all the easier. Pretend like they won’t judge you (because deep down, you know they won’t) and say that sexy little thing in your mind. The more you pretend to be confident, the more confidence you’ll get naturally.
Step outside of your comfort zone, and say how you feel. It is ok to feel uncomfortable at first; it will grow into a more confident and sexy time for you soon enough.
Dirty talk can be a fun and consensual way to add excitement to a sexual encounter, but it’s important to make sure that everyone involved is comfortable with the language and activity being described.
Here are a few first simple steps to start practicing dirty talk:
Start slow: If you’re not used to talking dirty, it can be uncomfortable or awkward to jump right into graphic language. Try starting with simple compliments or descriptive words, and work your way up as you become more comfortable.
Get consent: Make sure that your partner is comfortable with the type of language you’re using and that they’re okay with you talking dirty before you start.
Be descriptive: Use descriptive words and phrases to create a vivid picture in your partner’s mind. For example, instead of saying “I want you,” try saying “I want to feel your body against mine.”
Beginners dirty talk:
Start with something easy and don’t over complicate it.
Say things that let your partner know that you want them! Phrases such as “I want you so bad” or like “I can’t wait to get in bed with you” are easy to implement.
When your partner does something that feels good, tell them things like “Yeah, right there” or “I love when you do that”. This reinforces good things. You can also encourage more by saying things such as “I love when you do ____”, “I want you to cum on my/in me” and etc.
When you’re about to orgasm, tell your partner! “Oh yes, right there, I’m going to cum!” is a great way to dirty talk and help them feel good about what they are doing.
You can also dirty talk over text and tell them what you want them to do to you that night. You can also tell them what you’re going to do to you. It’s also very sexy to start the play off.
Use sexy names for each other, and use their name.
Make sure you use your partner’s name, especially when you’re having sex. It reinforces that you’re only thinking about them. You can also call them daddy, sir, and whatever else they may like. Calling your partner cute nicknames or sexy things is a great way to make sex or foreplay even sexier.
Try to expand your dirty talk vocabulary.
Once you get more comfortable with simple dirty talk, it’s time to add in more advanced phrases. Saying things you wouldn’t normally say is part of what makes dirty talk so sexy to many. It’s important to communicate so that you can find out what they are and are not comfortable with you saying. For example, if you or your partner do not like being called a dirty slut, be sure to specify that to each other right away to avoid any uncomfortableness. Some things may also be very small – for example, the word boobs may be an ick for you, but tits or breasts may be fine.
Try to explore using adjectives – instead of saying “fuck me”, try saying “fuck me harder”. Instead of saying “I’m so wet for you” you can say “I’m dripping wet for you”.
Dirty talk can include describing or referencing sexual toys or props in a sexual context.
Here are a few examples of how you might incorporate sex toys into your dirty talk:
- “I can’t wait to feel you inside me with that new vibrator we bought.”
- “I want you to tie me up and tease me with that feather wand.”
- “I’m going to ride you hard with this strap-on dildo.”
- “I want you to blindfold me and use that wand massager all over my body.”
- “I’m going to tease you with this remote control vibrating panty and make you beg for more.”
- “I can’t wait to feel your hands all over me while you use that wand massager on my clit.”
The easiest way to keep dirty talk easy and fun is to remember to compliment your partner, be comfortable and have fun. Dirty talk should enhance your sex life and make you both feel more loved and wanted, and should not make you feel like you’re doing something wrong! It’s normal to be nervous at first, but with time, it’ll definitely get easier for you. Practice makes perfect!